Expectations and Relationships

Sooner or later, our relationships turn into pain and suffering.
When one neglects the other, we get wounded psychologically
and we carry on with that hurt. There are innumerable things
that hurt us like this, but we never learn something out of it,
instead deciding on keeping ourselves away from getting hurt
for the rest of our life. When someone hurts me, if I tell myself
that I must be careful next time, and something like this
should not repeat itself, etc., then I am slowly isolating myself
from the society, by building walls around me and thinking that
this isolation will protect me. This isolation brings
with it, its own loneliness and pain. Thinking is a very complex
affair; when I can’t understand my thinking, how can I
guide others?
While having expectations, I am doing the same.
We must learn to have relationships in which hurt, and hatred
are absent.

When I say someone is a good friend to me, that means
inwardly, I am comfortable with his presence and he is
also feeling the same. Otherwise, we are not good friends.
It would be just like business; I would be gentle, kind and
pleasant to you and you would do the same with me. When
I am constantly expecting something from you or demanding
certain things from you, there is no love between us, as love has
no expectations in return. Love knows no suffering or pain,
and you can come to it only through negating what is not love.
The problem is, our relationships are between images that we
have created about each other, not between real human beings.
When you are not interested in a particular relationship, stay
alone. But don’t build walls around yourself, don’t hate, and
don’t expect that they will change and come back to you.
We never realize the simple fact that the other person is
also a human being and he/she is also living with expectations.
Doing something good or bad to him is completely in my hand.
However, in keeping expectations, I desire for something which
is not in my hand. I don’t have control at any level of what
he/she gives in return. The fragrance of a flower is always there
whether you smell it or not, but it never expects anything from
you, as it is rich in itself.

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